no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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