I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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