I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
