You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she woke up with a sticky ear
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
