She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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