when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
