If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
