They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
