I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
