He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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