she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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