did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
