You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
