Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
