he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
