i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
