walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
