got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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