you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He did a backflip because drugs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
