Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
