6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
