My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
