its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
