Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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