I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
