Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
