she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
