i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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