if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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