covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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