just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How naked do you want me to be?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
