Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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