Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
