Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
