his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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