We won't sleep together?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
