i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
