I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
