Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
