.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
