he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
