chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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