I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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