I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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