i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
