It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
