there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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