I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
