I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
