I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
