She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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