he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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