if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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