u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
